The Marrying Man

Quentin

For one of those movies that plays at 3 o'clock on a Saturday on network television when there's absolutely nothing else on, it's pretty funny. That is, if you don't get annoyed with the main character's persistence to sleep with other guy's dames. Yeah, I kinda got disgusted by the whole uncontrollable male urges thing that this movie features, however his friends do add some comic relief from this. Here's an interesting note, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger's characters marry each other four times in this movie, two years after this movie is made, they marry in real life. Apparently they divorced nine years later, but there's always a chance they could remarry a few times more.

Ben

Charlie Pearl(Alec Baldwin) is set to marry a Hollywood producer's daughter(Elisabeth Shue), but falls instead for singer Vicki Anderson(Kim Basinger), who just happens to be Bugsy Siegel's girl. They get caught, are forced to marry, get divorced, get caught again, married again, divorced again... Altogether, I think there are four marriages and three divorces, various collateral damage, and running commentary from his friends throughout. Oh, and there's Fisher Stevens.

Stevens keeps showing up in these dumpster movies, and I like his stuff, for the most part. Even when he's playing one of Koopa's cousins in Super Mario Brothers, I like him. In this movie, his role isn't so big, but his ass-kissing, song-writing, eager for the big time character, Sam, played beside Baldwin, Basinger, Shue, and Paul Reiser, made it look like he might be moving up in the lists. I guess it didn't happen, although his recent role in "Lost" may help him along a bit. Actually, I'm not so sure making it only as far as he has is that bad for him. It seems to me that some actors, maybe including Stevens, get more interesting work because they don't quite make it to the top. But, who can tell for sure? Maybe he wishes he were higher up there.

Now, let me tell you about one of my pet peeves. I'm a musician, and I'm familiar with how people look when they're playing, both how their fingers move on the instrument, and how their bodies move when they're in the music. Because of this, I can't help noticing when an actor isn't playing how they should be. I know I'm being picky, and some movies deal with this necessary problem better than others, but this movie does not. Kim Basinger is supposed to be a singer, so they feature her in a number of songs, but her lips and body just don't quite match the audio. Oh yeah, and then there's the miracle microphone which "picks up" her voice from every angle and distance. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if they didn't give her singing performances such a central role. I'm sure my other pet peeves will be coming out in future reviews, but I'll try to warn you when they do.

This movie isn't that great; it can't make a decision about whether it wants to be a romantic comedy or not. You could do worse than to watch it, but you could also do better.

Silent Rage

Quentin

Ever wonder why there aren't any wandering gangs of motorcyclists terrorizing small towns or any genetically engineered super-humans going on killing sprees? Silent Rage answers those questions and provides other Chuck Norris facts like: Chuck Norris needs little to no reason to take off his shirt and Chuck Norris listens to Muzak while at home (which is a level of bad-ass that I can't even comprehend).
And, do you like nipples? This movie has like twenty nipple shots!*
* Only half of which are female, sorry...

Ben

Have you ever read I am Legend by Richard Matheson? They made a few movies from the novel, the most recent starring Will Smith. It was actually based on factual events, a time when Chuck Norris saved the world from zombies. Silent Rage is a different telling of those same events. Based on what you most likely "know" about zombies, though, it might be hard to tell that this monster is one. Real zombies are different from your standard fictionalized ones, and both Silent Rage and I am Legend try to reflect the true nature of zombies by making them less like what you probably expect. You might say it's just some other sort of undead, and if that's what you need to do for it to make sense, then you go right ahead.

Stephen Furst plays Charlie, deputy to Chuck Norris's Dan. It's a fun early role for Furst, whose third movie was the classic Animal House (silent rage is his ninth, as best I can tell), but he didn't go on to many high profile roles. My favorite role of his, from the few I've seen, is Babylon 5's Vir Cotto, and a great chatacter on the Freakazoid! cartoon. Charlie isn't the best role, but what man's early acting career would be complete without a chance to go ga-ga for gozongas?

The movie title is a pretty good description of the zombie's motivation, but ol' Chucky-boy is pretty silent himself. We really wanted to find some good dialogue scenes for you to watch, but the best we could come up with was with Charlie in his arms, and that scene really belongs to Stephen, not Chuck. I've also come to expect roundhouse kicks from Mr. Norris, partly due to Walker, Texas Ranger, but largely because of Conan O'Brien. Well, I was disappointed. There are plenty of fights, flying kicks, and almost-roundhouses, but nothing is seen of the genuine article. Come to think of it, I was disappointed with him in general.

Still, there are a lot of good laughs here, and you might just learn a thing or two about the true nature of zombies.

State of the Dumpster - 1 Oct. 2008

Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you know that we've got plenty of raw material to work from, and that we'll be getting it up as soon as we can. Our last run yielded some more recent, popular movies (Titanic, Forest Gump, Twister, Jurassic Park), but there's plenty of garbage, as well. We've got some better ideas for the videos, so look for some (hopefully) good changes there, and we're trying to refine our reviews. So, stick with us; we don't think you'll be disappointed.

- Ben

Retro Puppet Master

Quentin

oh god!..make it stop!..it's horrible...horrible!..are those actors?!..i won't believe those are actors!..it's too gruesome to bear!...it's the most horrible movie i've ever seen!..is that a film crew guy?..or somebody's cousin?..i was told there'd be puppets!..there aren't any puppets!..for the love of god make it stop!..

Ben

I need to preface this with a couple of points: first, that I have not seen any of the previous Puppet Master movies; and, second, that there were times where I wanted to just stop the video.

As far as I can tell, Retro Puppet Master is a prequel to a B horror movie, with much less of a budget than its original. There are all sorts of holes and anachronisms, and the acting is mediocre to horrible. Oh, and the fake accents make me shudder.

The only reason I can think of to watch this is if you are a highly dedicated fan of the franchise; there isn't even enough laughable material to make it worthwhile.

Remember, I watched it so that you don't have to.

When The Party's Over

Quentin

I've never heard of this movie before, have you? It's very nineties, but I like it, I've watched it twice, which is saying something, compared to most of the other videos we've found, in the dumpster. The main character is a #$@%!& monster (in the human sense of the word), she's horribly manipulative and self serving. I think I like hating her, that is; I hate her, and I think I like to. Anyway, I've got a very strange and confusing clip I'm going to exploit the movie with, even though I enjoyed it. I'm using it mostly cause I like Fisher Stevens, but I'll explain that in a later post.

Ben

So, looking at the cover of this movie made me think that Sandra Bullock would be playing the lead role. I mean, her face is the background on the front, the logo on the sides, and she's shown in all the group shots. As you may guess, she's not the main character. While one could argue for equal footing, the main character is probably M.J..

M.J. is a manipulative, egocentric monster who screws up the life of all her friends and housemates. It's doubtful she even changes at the end, but that's not the point. This movie is more a snapshot of a group of young housemates, each trying to find their own way in the world.

I didn't really think the movie was going to be very good, but it surprised me. While it does seem to caricature the issues young adults face, I think it's realistic in the way it handles them. Rae Dawn Chong plays the selfish bitch well, and Fisher Stevens is fun to watch in his role as Alexander Midnight, Amanda's (Bullock) boyfriend.

This movie likes juxtaposition. There's one scene where a 'birth' is placed up against a death, and contrasts with an earlier rape, which is in turn placed among a couple of love scenes. All I could think about, though, was the movie "She's All That", where, in one scene, Freddie Prinze, Jr. pulls out this on-the-fly performance art piece with a hacky sack, which everyone in that movie loves, but is really the stupidest thing. Of course, seeing Fisher Stevens coming out from between a giant pair of legs and screaming his head off like a newborn comes across as kind of stupid, but is more entertaining, and definitely more believable as performance art.

All Dogs Go To Heaven

Quentin

I absolutely love this movie, I've watched it a few times since I dug it out of the dumpster. I wish I could've seen it when I was a kid, however, my friend says she's kinda screwed up 'cause she grew up watching it. Not sure why.
Don Bluth (the Director) is a genius, he adds a certain darkness that Disney is too afraid to try. Anyway, watch this clip about a big gay crocodile, and keep in mind it's not an accurate representation of the film as a whole.

Ben

Charlie the dog loves the fast life, but when he escapes prison (the pound) and returns to his business partner, who just happens to be the one who framed him, his partner decides to try more permanent measures.

When Charlie finds himself in heaven, it doesn't quite match up to his idea of the good life, so he steals the watch which kept him ticking, winds it, and plummets back to earth with a voice following him, saying, "you can never come back."

Add to Charlie a little girl, Anne-Marie, who can talk to animals; a best friend, Itchy, who can't stop itching whenever trouble comes around; a big gay alligator; a few musical numbers for seasoning; toss it in the oven, and out pops a cartoon classic.

Dom DeLuise and Burt Reynolds have worked well in plenty of live action movies, but I'm not quite sure the chemistry carries over well into animation. DeLuise does a good job as a voice actor, going on to do plenty more in his career. Reynolds' voice doesn't quite work, his success relying on a physical presence, but who can forget a duet between a rough around the edges dog and a big gay creole alligator?

There's a charm to these Bluth classics, from the older storytelling, and from the hand-drawn animation. I hope to find more.